My daughter asked me last night why she doesn’t have any make up. I said that make up was something that you use when you’re older. She said she is three now and not a baby any more and so she wants to wear make up. I asked her if I was wearing make up. And she looked and saw that I wasn’t (I rarely do), but that didn’t seem to deter her.

So now I’m in a quandary. Ever fibre of my being is absolutely opposed to my three year old daughter wearing make up. However, I want my daughter to have freedom of expression, autonomy over her body, and the confidence to make her own choices and experience the consequences for herself. The two seem in direct opposition and I’m struggling to find a middle ground.

I rarely wear make up myself. When I do, my daughter shows an interest, and likes to play with the brushes and copy me. But this is maybe once every couple of months, so is by no means something I’ve modelled and made her feel is an everyday necessity. I’m at a bit of a loss to explain her sudden interest as I haven’t had mine out since May!

I think that her interest would be short lived, if she were to have her own make up, as I imagine she would be far too keen to get on with whatever she was doing, to want to spend any time getting made up for it. I suppose maybe she’d put some on for parties and other occasions where she gets a bit dressed up, but this really rankles me. I think because then she automatically draws attention to her appearance, and will attract all the “aren’t you a pretty girl?” compliments. I’ve always found this attitude towards young girls to be limiting, and I do not believe it is conducive to creating empowered women. If girls (and boys), only receive compliments on their appearance, their sense of self worth and esteem will be inextricably linked to their appearance, which can cause a whole host of issues in later life.

What I am determined not to do, however, is make “make up” a forbidden fruit. Make up is not about to become the toddler equivalent of sneaking a cigarette round the back of the bike sheds.

For the moment, we’ve reached an uneasy compromise. I’ve promised her a lip balm to go in her handbag. With any luck she’ll soon get bored of it and forget about it entirely. And then next time she asks me about make up, I can point her back in the direction of said lip balm and she’ll remember how the novelty wore off really quickly.

Either that, or the lip balm will be the entry point, and she’ll soon be onto the hard stuff. With my lack of expertise though, anything more complicated than a smoky eye, and she’s on her own!